I wouldn’t like to sound conservative and I will on deliberately skip the ethical aspects of dating somebody married or in a relationship, though you just can’t simply forget about them. Instead, I will try to explain why dating somebody married or in a relationship could get very complicated for you. In a sense, learn in advance what you will get and decide if the fight is worth.

Beware: Married Cheaters Hide Their Marital Status

If it is the first time you are dating somebody married or in a relationship, you might not be able to spot all the symptoms. First, you might not even be aware about the real marital/relationship status of the person you are dating. Don’t take for granted that if somebody is with you every now and then, he or she is free. Of course, most people will be free but cheaters tend to hide that they are married or in a relationship.

When you are dating somebody you know is married or is in a relationship, at least from the very start what you are up to. What you don’t know is why he or she cheats on his or her lover. It might feel that your date is just using you. Well, maybe they have feelings for you, or at least find you attractive, but in any case he or she is not yours.

An Extramarital Affair Is Convenient and Boost His or Her Ego

Very often insecure people will start an extramarital affair because this boosts their ego. If you don’t ask for expensive presents, or demand too much, you are the ideal person to cheat with – an inexpensive ego boost. You are just convenient.

No matter how hard you try, chances are that you will always be Plan B – i.e. the secondary option. You will be the one to listen how cruel his or her spouse/partner is, how unhappy they are, etc. A person with a dignity will not accept to be the secondary option.

“I Stay for Kids’ Sake”

When you start dating somebody married or in a relationship, you might have plans for a serious relationship. Your lover will divorce and you will live happily ever after. Could be – there are such cases but more often than not, this won’t happen.

Why? Because your date is tied to his or her partner. You might hear melodramatic excuses, such as “I stay for the kids’ sake”. Don’t buy this. You can care about your kids even if you are divorced, separated, or a single parent.

Rather, when people say they stay in a marriage/relationship because of the kids, usually this hides their real motives. Most often people stay in a marriage/relationship, even in abusive relationships, because this is convenient – somebody pays their bills, or somebody does all the housework, so that you have lots of time to complain and cheat.

Such people, who stay in unfulfilling relationships are usually losers, who are afraid to or can’t make it on their own. Yes, there are people who are afraid to stay single and for whom any relationship is better than being on their own. Such people are a burden for you because even if they commit to you, you will have to carry them through life – they can’t make it on their own.

So, if you had any ideas to date somebody who is married or in a relationship, think again. If you are single and ready to mingle, probably you have much better options than saving losers. Anyway, if you feel that the married person needs somebody’s shoulder to cry on, you can help him or her even if you are not dating – by being just friends, for example, or friends with benefits, if you both agree to it. Just don’t allow yourself to be sucked into an unhappy relationship with somebody who is always making the wrong choices.

Do I Really Have to Forget My Ex?

Yes, you do. Well, you might be even able to forget his or her name but this is not necessary. What you need to forget is that you had a relationship and that now this all is in the past. Leave the dead – i.e. your relationship – to rest in peace and don’t have any thoughts about a reunion.

One common mistake many people make after a breakup is to jump into a new relationship right away. This is a rebound relationship and it is the last thing you need right now. The problem here is that when you are desperate, you lower your criteria a lot and you might hook up with somebody who is absolutely not suitable for you.

However, even if your present partner is perfection in its purest form, when you are rebounding, your relationship sucks. If you can’t forget your ex and your present partner has to listen about him or her all the time, it is easy to understand why your new love will be pissed.

Nobody says you shouldn’t even mention your previous relationship to your next loves but when you do it all the time, this will ruin your present relationship. This is the main reason why you really need to forget your ex – to save your present and future relationships from the fate of your previous ones.

How to Forget an Ex

Sure, it is easier to say than do and it might take time to forget your ex but here are some tips to help you speed down the process:

• Avoid any encounters with your ex. Do you remember the old saying, “Out of sight, out of mind”? It works really well when you need to forget an ex. When you don’t see your ex and you make yourself not to think about him or her, it is very easy to forget him or her and move on. However, if you work or study together, forgetting your ex is trickier. In the worst cases you might even have to quit your job or more to another job/school but usually this has to be done relatively rarely. If avoiding absolutely any encounters with your ex is absolutely impossible, just try to avoid him or her as much as possible and this should also work.
• Show you are happy without him or her. You might think the world has come to an end when you broke up but it hasn’t. Life goes on and the sooner you come to friendly terms with the idea you are not a couple anymore, the better. Find ways to be happy without your ex – only then your life will be fulfilling.
• Trash all presents and pictures of you and your ex. Presents and pictures always remind of a person and if you want to forget him or her, just trash them. Or, if you don’t have the courage to do it, just put them in boxes and store them in the attic where they are out of your sight.

I don’t say forgetting an ex is an easy task, especially if it had been a longterm relationship and you got used to each other but you’ve got to do it. Don’t allow yourself to live in the past and ruin your present. Your ex lover belongs to the past – put him or her there once and forever.

Sometimes people are so devastated by a breakup that they behave erratically and can do tons of stupid things they will regret later. So, if you don’t want to make the situation worse, just try not to lose control over your life and avoid the following common mistakes many people do after a breakup:

1. Accept the fact. Denying the fact that the breakup has happened, or hoping that this is just a temporary state of things, is not a vital strategy. It might be impossible to get used to the thought that you will never see/hear/touch him or her anymore but it is quite probable that things will happen just like that. The sooner you accept the fact that the relationship is over, the better. Just forget and move on.
2. Don’t try to get him/her back. You might have heard of many cases when people breakup and then they are again back together but don’t count on that. Chasing an ex is rarely successful and unless he or she uses you, he or she will hardly come back. However, all your attempts to get him or her back can make you look ridiculous. There is no need to make a fool of yourself, so avoid all phone calls, “accidental” meetings with him or her and anything else in that line. Begging for another chance is not something a person with dignity will do, so don’t fall that low – he or she might be a darling but there are so many men and women who deserve you, so there is no use to chase an ex, who doesn’t want you. Just forget your ex and move on.
3. Don’t rush into the next relationship. There might be many men and women who are suitable for you but rushing into the next relationship, just right after a breakup, rarely brings good results. Stay single for a while, get yourself together, and this will save you from the trap of a rebound relationship. When you are vulnerable, you are hardly thinking logically and you are ready to hookup with whomever you find. You just can’t imagine how many people I know who have made this mistake! The worst is that when you go into a relationship with somebody whom you don’t like but for whom you are a big fish, you might have hard times escaping from the trap. All of a sudden your new lover pops a baby, or gets married to you, or has tied you in other subtle and not-so-subtle ways, that you just can’t figure out how all this could have happened to you.
4. Don’t drown your sorrow in alcohol or food. Another common mistake many people make after a breakup is to drown their sorrow in alcohol or food. Drinking is bad and excessive eating isn’t healthy either, so just try to be strong and don’t resort to alcohol, drugs, or food to overcome your pain.
5. Find an interesting activity. Now, you might be wondering that if a new lover, alcohol and food are not recommendable after a breakup, there is nothing else left you can resort to. Sure, this is not so! You still have friends, whom to call for support (just don’t whine all the time because even the most understanding friend will hardly stand this) and there are many activities you can take in order to distract your attention from thinking about your ex-lover. Find an interesting activity, preferably not something to remind you of him or her (like listening to love songs, or watching love movies, or going to places where you used to go together as a couple), and just enjoy life. Now, when you have more free time, why not concentrate on your career?

Breakup could be tough but since so many people have (successfully) survived it, so why should you be an exception? Just learn how to get over a breakup and everything will be fine. Sooner or later you will find that special one, who really loves you and whom you deserve, so don’t give up!

If something needs clarification in the “friends with benefits” idea, this is certainly the Benefits part. And as you can expect, “Benefits” actually means sex. Well, if you are really conservative, the idea of occasional sex with somebody might be very repulsive and immoral to you but as many people say, similarly to food and water, sex is just a biological need.

Is Friends With Benefits Fine for Me?

But if sex is that important, why not just get a girlfriend or a boyfriend? Anyway, many people stand boring long-term relationships mainly because of sex and other benefits, not love and affection. Well, when you are officially in a love relationship, there are (or at least are supposed to be) strings attached. You owe commitment. You have to sacrifice part of your freedom in exchange for sex.

That is why people, who attempt to avoid commitment but still want to get sex with somebody they like, resort to being friends with benefits. There are cases when the friends with benefits arrangement works perfectly but most often than not it ends in tears. But if friends with benefits works for some people, why doesn’t it work for others?

Rules for Being Friends with Benefits

Being friends with benefits is walking on thin ice. And the ice gets thinner and thinner over time. You start as friends. You enjoy each other, not only in terms of physical attraction. And one night you find yourself in bed together. Then you don’t see each other for days or weeks – till the next time you have sex. But you are not dating each other and even your closest mutual friends have no idea that you are satisfying each other’s sexual needs and you are friends with benefits.

Sounds too good to be true? If you manage to work out the rules, friends with benefits can really be as good as it sounds. Here are some simple rules that usually work for a friends with benefits arrangement, though there is no guarantee that in your case they are the solution:

• Admit that you are doing it because of sex and don’t expect your partner to have lover’s feelings to you. You are together because of the mutual orgasms you are having together.
• Decide if both of you can keep to this friends with benefits arrangement for a long time. For instance, what happens if one of you decides to get a real lover? If there are three of you, it is as sure as hell that the love triangle won’t work. Maybe you should accept that the friends with benefits arrangement lasts till one of you finds a lover or that none of you is looking for a lover and occasional sex is all that both of you need.
• If you feel that friends with benefits is a prelude to a love relationship, be honest to say so. Sex might not be the most important thing in life but if you are incompatible in bed, this is a serious cause for the failure of a relationship. But if you regard the friends with benefits status as the trial period of a love affair, be sure that both of you mean it.
• Agree that your are going to keep your friends with benefits arrangement secret – even from your closest friends. In many cases keeping your friends with benefits arrangement secret will save you a lot of hassle and can save even your friendship because when external people start to interfere and put pressure on you, the thin ice will break even more easily.

Certainly the greatest danger for a friends with benefits status is when one of the parties falls in love with other. Unfortunately, this is not rare. Sometimes even at the start of a friends with benefits affair there are feelings involved. Often one of the parties fancies the other too much to say “No” and regards the friends with benefits status as more than nothing. If this is the case, it is more than certain that there will be hurt feelings and tears in the end. You don’t start honest, so the unpleasant end is inevitable.

Starting a friends with benefits arrangement with “no strings attached” and “giving each other a few good orgasms only” takes for granted that you really mean it – both of you. If you don’t – don’t expect that you still will be friends when your friends with benefits arrangement ends. It is true that sex creates a bond, no matter if you like it or not but if you manage to keep to the friends with benefits rules, you can happily enjoy being friends with benefits for years.

Rebound Relationships Are Not Better than No Relationship

One of the most difficult things for many newly single is the fact that they are not in a relationship anymore. If you are used to being in a relationship, being a newly single might be really painful. In such cases you feel the urge to start a new relationship and you aren’t very picky about who will date. The first guy/girl you find will do – you just need somebody because being single is so depressing. Such relationships are called rebound relationships and no matter how much you try, a rebound relationship is doomed from the start.

When you are in a rebound relationship, you are not happier. Your rebound partner might be perfection in its purest form but you still have feelings for your ex. However, most often your rebound partner is everything but perfect and even if you notice it, you won’t admit it.

Don’t Let a Rebound Relationship Turn Into a Serious Relationship

The fact that you deny that your rebound partner is a devil in human shape doesn’t make your relationship better. The most dangerous in such a rebound relationship is if you don’t act while you can and let this relationship get serious.

If you don’t terminate your rebound relationship while it is still young, you might soon discover that you have reached a point of no return. In the worst case you might make some serious mistakes, such as commitment, or even have children and/or get married. This is a common mistake but it can cost you a lot.

If you think that a rebound relationship improves with time, you are wrong. A rebound relationship will always lack love and if you are locked and can’t get away from it, this will turn your life into hell. It is true that you might get used to your partner but you will never love him or her.

Breakup is tough time, especially if separation wasn’t your desire but you need to learn how to survive a breakup. Stay single for a while, reassemble yourself, rethink your past and only after that move onto a new relationship. If you love your ex a lot, you might never be able to find somebody who is as good as he or she was but this is not a reason to give up.

Just beware of a rebound relationship because if you get locked in a rebound relationship, this can cost you a lot. You just have no idea how many people married and made other stupid mistakes simply because they entered a rebound relationship and couldn’t get out if it in time. A rebound relationship is painful and it makes no sense to learn this the hard way!

Staying Single IS Good

I know many people who’d rather die than stay single. They are so used to being in a relationship, even if it is a trashy one, that the very idea to be without a partner makes them uneasy. OK, if you do have a great partner, then you don’t have to dump him or her just for the sake of staying single but in all those cases when your relationship is really a mess, getting out of this relationship asap is the best you can do.

I guess many people are scared by the idea to stay single because they will feel alone and there will be nobody to rely on. Well, if you are a grownup and know how to take a care for yourself, you should definitely be able to live without a partner to rely on for simple things.

As for loneliness, I bet everybody who’d been in a loveless relationship knows how lonely and unhappy you feel then. When you are single and you have your friends, you will feel much happier than when you are with somebody not good for you simply because you are afraid to be single.

Yes, it might be difficult to understand why some people do stay single. The simple explanation is that they are single because they can’t find a partner. Could be, but it is rarely this. More, it is that they either have no time for a relationship at all or are not satisfied with the wrong partner and this is why they opt to stay single till the time for a new relationship is right.

Cases When Staying Single Is Mandatory

No matter how much you crave to be a part of a couple, there are cases when you do need to stay single. Here are some of them:

• After a breakup. There are breakups and breakups and not after every breakup you are that shaken that you don’t know what you are doing. But if your last breakup was a really nasty one, then rushing into a new relationship, a rebound relationship will only make things worse. This is why you need to spend some time on your own and forget your ex first before starting a new relationship.
• When your schedule doesn’t permit a serious relationship. If you have never been there, it might be hard to understand how one can be so busy that he or she doesn’t have time for a serious relationship. However, a serious relationship is a very time-consuming affair and when your job or the other activities that pack your schedule to the limit are pressing you, you simply don’t have the time to pay attention to your lover. If this is something temporary, many partners will show understanding but if it is for a long period of time, you are essentially asking the other person to become a slave to your schedule. Believe me, nobody with dignity and self-esteem will accept such a role!
• When you can’t find a suitable partner. One more case when staying single is mandatory is the very prosaic case when you can’t find a suitable partner. While a loser will be happy with any partner, a normal person won’t make such sacrifices. If you aren’t a loser, chances are you do attract lots of attention but not from the people you’d like. In some cases you might even be pushed into a relationship and you need to find the courage to resist the pressure. If you haven’t learned it by now, you wouldn’t like to learn it the hard way that a bad relationship is an option only for a loser.

One of the things that could make it harder to stay single is your sexual desire. While there are people who don’t miss sex even for years, not everybody is in this group. If you feel you can’t live without sex, you might want to try friends with benefits. Friends with benefits also has the risks of being trapped but it isn’t as bad as a bad relationship.

Single parents face many challenges in life and dating is one of these challenges. When you have to balance between your career and your personal life, not to mention your kids, dating might be the last thing on your mind.

Many single parents aren’t on the market at all because they prefer to stay single rather than look for a partner. This is quite OK and in many cases it is the wisest choice. If you are fresh out of divorce/separation, don’t rush into dating until you are ready for a new relationship. Rebound relationships are never fun but when you have kid(s), the matter gets even more complicated. Just wait a bit and when you are ready, only then consider dating again.

For a Single Parent Kids Always Come First

Unlike singles without kids, single parents are not alone – they have kids to take care of. This makes matters more complicated because many people wouldn’t consider dating a partner, who has kids from a previous relationship. You can’t blame them – not everybody will gladly take care of other person’s children. Some people are even abusive towards kids from their partner’s previous relationships, so you wouldn’t like to put the safety of your kids at risk.

You could say that your kids narrow your choice of potential partners but still there are millions of people to date (this should suffice, right?). When you do manage to find a date, who accepts you together with your kids, another problem could arise – kids’ jealousy. If the kids are used to having all your attention, they might not be fascinated by the idea to have a new Mom/Dad to share you with.

In any case, it is best to introduce the kids to the scene only after you have made sure that the person you are dating is reliable and your relationship is getting serious. This way you will spare your children the stress to constantly meet new Moms/Dads, who disappear from their lives in a couple of weeks.

Try Special Dating Sites for Single Parents

Even if you don’t encounter negativism because of your single parent status from people who are single, dating another single parent could be your best option. The advantage is that you both know how it feels to be a single parent, so probably you have lots in common. One of the places where you can meet other single parents are special dating sites for single parents. Search with Google for dating sites for single parents, check the reputation of these sites, register and create a profile, and off you go. It is true that online dating has its traps to watch for but if you know how to handle the dangers, you could successfully find the right person for you.

Your Kid(s) Can Find You a Partner

It might sound a very strange idea to use your kids as pimps but actually it is quite possible that your kids can find you a partner – and it will be somebody the kid(s) like, so you won’t have to deal with jealousy issues. Sure, this isn’t the most obvious way to find a date but it does work. Parents, relatives, and other acquaintances of your kids’ friends and classmates are potential meat – just don’t hook up with somebody married (you wouldn’t like to be a homewrecker, would you?). Many happy families have started this way, so why don’t you try it?

Dating when you are a single parent is certainly different from when you are just single. It might be more difficult to find a partner and go on dates when kids are around but if you are determined to find a partner, this shouldn’t be an obstacle you can’t overcome.

When I talk to people who are in the family way but are really unhappy with their spouse or friend about why they stay in a relationship that is so incredibly painful to them, most often the answer is that they do it because of the kids (if any) or because they are afraid to be alone. And it is not only ladies who are afraid of being alone, i.e. being single. Quite often it is men who can stand the really disgusting attitude and tricks of their wife/girl-friend just because they won’t or can’t break free. Honestly, if I had a “significant other” like the “significant others” of some of my friends and acquaintances, I would fear them more than the imaginary loneliness of the single state.

Well, I don’t mean that every couple is a “living with the enemy” example. On the contrary, there are many happy couples who are together because of love, not because of marriage chains or the fear of being lonely. And what all happy couples have in common is that they enjoy being with each other, rather than fake affection. And what is more important, they enjoy being together with other real couples, not with fake “lovebirds”. So, as it turns, the family way has two faces – a real and a fake one. Well, it is out of question which one is better!

But let’s return to the singles in the family world. Why is it so difficult to find (and retain) a partner? Is it because all good men/women are already taken (or maybe usurped, to be more precise) and only junk is left? Or is staying single a conscious choice as opposed to being locked in the coffin of a unhappy relationship? Or maybe it is due to the lack of social contacts – sometimes one has no potential partners, no matter how attractive he or she is.

Probably being single is due to all of the above reasons and many more. Although it is ridiculous to say that all good men/women are already taken, many people do not consider as a potential partner somebody who is currently in a relationship, even if this guy/girl strives desperately to break free. Having an eye for somebody who is already in a relationship can be regarded as stealing and for many people this is too far to go only because they like somebody. The presumption is that if somebody is in a relationship and does not leave their partner, then he or she is out of the dating market.

A very frequent reason for staying single is that when there is nobody good enough to be in a relationship with, staying single is better than getting hooked to somebody cheap. For people, who have already have had one or more unfortunate affairs, this behavior is most natural. For instance, if you have lost everything in a divorce from somebody you could barely stand from the very beginning, it is pretty normal to be cautious about new affairs – once burned, twice shy, as the saying goes. In the same group fall people, who have known true love and now they are unwilling to replace it with something fake, so they prefer to wait till they find somebody suitable than rush into an affair with the first guy/girl they come across.

The third reason – nobody suitable – is less frequent nowadays because even if you live in a hut at the end of the world, chances are that the Internet will help you meet new people. But still, for people who live in small communities and who do not have acquaintances outside the community, lack of social contacts is quite real. If you are in a situation like this, do not give up but think about how you can meet new people because if you are not making efforts to find love, love will hardly find you!

You Are As Old As You Feel!

Love knows no age. Or more precisely, love does not count the biological age. These days more than ever you are as old as you feel. With so many examples of 60+ actors and singers who behave (and very often look) like under-30, one’s biological age seems a very abstract notion. On the other hand, there are many 20-somethings who have enough experience and if one does not know their birthyear, they could easily be mistaken for 30- or even 40-somethings. But what do these two groups have in common?

The common between the two groups is that they are not the average representative of their age group. As a result, these people communicate with more difficulty with their biological peers than with their spiritual peers. As a result of this, people who do not look their biological age, seek friendship and love amongst their spiritual peers.

Why the Age Gap Is Working in a Relationship?

But sometimes there are different reasons why the age gap is working great in a relationship. And by age gap I don’t mean 2 or 3 years but rather 10 years or even more. For men, having a much older (and experienced) partner is like having a mother. For ladies, the younger lover is not only a partner, but the baby that deserves all love and affection. In such relationships there is an emotional bond that not many people can understand.

I know many great relationships, in which the lady is older than her partner. These people have been together for years (even decades) and hopefully they will stay so much in love for more years (or even decades).

A male friend of mine was dating for 5 years a chick, who was 3 years his junior hoping that someday she will grow up. Well, he didn’t have the patience to wait for her to turn 40 or 50 and left her for a lady, who is 5 years his senior. They are happy together because they share the same way of thinking, have the same values and goals in life.

One of the funniest situation is when somebody says that he does not look 5 years older than her! Can you imagine this? People know that they are 5 years apart and they mistakenly think it is him, who is the older!

2-3 years is no difference at all. 5-7 years is a good difference. Having in mind that on average women live 5-7 years longer than men, chances are that you have found a partner “till death does us part”. This is a joke, of course, but biology has its word. While girls develop faster during puberty and are interested in older boys because they are their spiritual peer, after 25, there is no more gender-based difference. After 25 it is more your personality that matters, not your biological age.

So, if you women feel attracted by younger guys and you men feel attracted by older ladies, don’t resist the call of your heart but jump straight into love. Who knows, it might turn out that this is the love of your life?

Not in the mood for dating right now? Struggling with getting over a breakup? Don’t worry, you are not the only one. Many people are in the same situation and what is more – reluctance to date is quite natural and staying single for a while could be your best option. If your heart has just been broken, rushing into a new relationship, especially a rebound relationship, will not do you any good.

Even if you manage to find a date and your next lover is a great guy or lady, if you are not in the mood for dating, you will miss a chance and quite possibly your current mood will ruin a relationship, which otherwise might have been successful. You just need to know when you are ready to date.

How Do I Know If I Am Ready to Date Again?

The question is very simple but the answers aren’t. Sometimes it is obvious that you are not ready to date – only the idea of having a new lover sends shivers down your spine, while at other times you are desperately longing for a new lover, though it is certainly the last thing you should do. In the second case, you should do your best not to rush into a new relationship before you are ready to date again. Here are some suggestions how to diagnose if you should wait or if you should look for a new love:

• Are you depressed? If you are depressed, starting a new relationship might look like a life-belt, but it isn’t. Nobody likes unhappy people and even the most understanding partner will be fed up with your mood. So, you need to first get out of the trap, and then go to the dating field. Otherwise, you will spoil everything.
• Do you frequently think about your ex? When you are unable to forget an ex, this can easily ruin your present. It is true that time heals and that it might take a lot of time to forget an ex lover but while you think about him or her all the time, you are not in the mood for dating.
• Do you know what mistakes you have made in your previous relationships? Repeating the same mistakes over and over again is not the way to go but if you even don’t have an idea of what mistakes you have made in your previous relationships, you need to learn it because otherwise you are bound to do them again and again.
• Do you have plans and ideas for the future? Living day to day is not good either and unless you find somebody, who shares the same short-term (or short-eyed) views on life, starting a new relationship could soon turn into a painful experience because you might realize that things are not going in the direction you would like them to go.
• Do you know what partner you are looking for? Just hooking up with the first human being, who likes you is sure not a great idea. Of course, you can’t make a 100 pages list of the features your new partner must have, but if you don’t know what partner you are looking for – i.e. a one-night stand, a good friend, a monster in bed, somebody for a committed relationship, etc. – you might again end in disappointment. If you know that the previous types of guys/girls you dated were of the wrong type, then you are at least a step ahead of where you were before you jumped into your previous relationship.

What to Do, If I Am Still Not Ready to Date?

Wait! Stay single for a while (or for as long as you have to) and make some efforts to prepare for dating. Do the steps listed above and try to overcome your mood fast. But don’t rush – dating is not a game of speed.