Friends With Benefits
The rules of a friends with benefits arrangement are simple and they can make you accomplish what you want. Here is what to keep in mind.Have you ever faced the dilemma of what to choose – love or only friendship? Well, if you have had really serious doubts about which of the two is best, maybe you’d like to know that actually there could be a third option as well – i.e. friends with benefits (or fuck buddies, or a casual relationship). Love and friendship relations are complicated enough even without introducing a middle ground but nevertheless looking at the statute of the so called “friends with benefits” arrangement is worth the effort.
If something needs clarification in the “friends with benefits” idea, this is certainly the Benefits part. And as you can expect, “Benefits” actually means sex. Well, if you are really conservative, the idea of occasional sex with somebody might be very repulsive and immoral to you but as many people say, similarly to food and water, sex is just a biological need.
Is Friends With Benefits Fine for Me?
But if sex is that important, why not just get a girlfriend or a boyfriend? Anyway, many people stand boring long-term relationships mainly because of sex and other benefits, not love and affection. Well, when you are officially in a love relationship, there are (or at least are supposed to be) strings attached. You owe commitment. You have to sacrifice part of your freedom in exchange for sex.
That is why people, who attempt to avoid commitment but still want to get sex with somebody they like, resort to being friends with benefits. There are cases when the friends with benefits arrangement works perfectly but most often than not it ends in tears. But if friends with benefits works for some people, why doesn’t it work for others?
Rules for Being Friends with Benefits
Being friends with benefits is walking on thin ice. And the ice gets thinner and thinner over time. You start as friends. You enjoy each other, not only in terms of physical attraction. And one night you find yourself in bed together. Then you don’t see each other for days or weeks – till the next time you have sex. But you are not dating each other and even your closest mutual friends have no idea that you are satisfying each other’s sexual needs and you are friends with benefits.
Sounds too good to be true? If you manage to work out the rules, friends with benefits can really be as good as it sounds. Here are some simple rules that usually work for a friends with benefits arrangement, though there is no guarantee that in your case they are the solution:
- Admit that you are doing it because of sex and don’t expect your partner to have lover’s feelings to you. You are together because of the mutual orgasms you are having together.
- Decide if both of you can keep to this friends with benefits arrangement for a long time. For instance, what happens if one of you decides to get a real lover? If there are three of you, it is as sure as hell that the love triangle won’t work. Maybe you should accept that the friends with benefits arrangement lasts till one of you finds a lover or that none of you is looking for a lover and occasional sex is all that both of you need.
- If you feel that friends with benefits is a prelude to a love relationship, be honest to say so. Sex might not be the most important thing in life but if you are incompatible in bed, this is a serious cause for the failure of a relationship. But if you regard the friends with benefits status as the trial period of a love affair, be sure that both of you mean it.
- Agree that your are going to keep your friends with benefits arrangement secret – even from your closest friends. In many cases keeping your friends with benefits arrangement secret will save you a lot of hassle and can save even your friendship because when external people start to interfere and put pressure on you, the thin ice will break even more easily.
Certainly the greatest danger for a friends with benefits status is when one of the parties falls in love with other. Unfortunately, this is not rare. Sometimes even at the start of a friends with benefits affair there are feelings involved. Often one of the parties fancies the other too much to say “No” and regards the friends with benefits status as more than nothing. If this is the case, it is more than certain that there will be hurt feelings and tears in the end. You don’t start honest, so the unpleasant end is inevitable.
Starting a friends with benefits arrangement with “no strings attached” and “giving each other a few good orgasms only” takes for granted that you really mean it – both of you. If you don’t – don’t expect that you still will be friends when your friends with benefits arrangement ends. It is true that sex creates a bond, no matter if you like it or not but if you manage to keep to the friends with benefits rules, you can happily enjoy being friends with benefits for years.
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